i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
