How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
3pm strippers are depressing
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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