I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
