I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize