The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
