Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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