My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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