so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
