LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
