She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
