didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
