It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
