Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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