My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
