Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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