True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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