Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
