i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
