you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
