oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
