So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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