your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
