this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
