i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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