I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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