Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
