Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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