She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
