WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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