so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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