Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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