I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i came on her dog
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
