I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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