my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
