people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
