I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
