Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
