So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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