I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
