Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
