You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This is my gift to your gina
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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