I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm at about main and main street
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
