I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
