I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize