hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
