dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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