You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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