you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
