I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
