My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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