Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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