p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
