paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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