My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
