so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
