You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
