The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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