haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
