She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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