So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
