Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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