her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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