Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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