There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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