I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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