Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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