woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
