so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
