I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
