I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
