we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
