Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
