So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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