some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
