I want to make a zoo with you.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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